Blended Families - The Ripple Effect

Blended Families – The Ripple Effect

When my marriage imploded, I was determined not to allow my own feelings influence the relationships my children had with their father.  Neither my ex husband nor I have “badmouthed” each other to our children, despite the temptation on both sides to do so.  I have to admit this was a stark contrast to the situation after my first marriage broke down and I didn’t feel able to go to my father-in-law’s funeral, even though we had been extremely close.  I regret that to this day. So I was determined not to let this happen a second time.

Every year, the week before Christmas, I host lunch at my house and the guest list includes all ex husbands/partners as well as their current ones, together with close family and friends.  The juggling is not always easy and in the early days did not only feel uncomfortable but also raised some eyebrows.  I must mention here that my partner, Ken, is a very tolerant man and welcomes everyone into his home.

Last Friday, my youngest daughter got married to a terrific young man whose family hale from Dunedin.  It was a momentous and exciting occasion for me, as I have dreamed about my daughters’ weddings from the day they were born.  But the single most important lesson I learned on the day was how easily the day flowed for everyone, especially the bride and groom.
Thanks to the friendship their father and I have maintained over the last 10 years, there was no ill feeling or awkwardness, either before, on the day or at the after function.  The day was seamless and everyone enjoyed themselves. It was great to meet up again with my ex in-laws after 10 years and to see the cousins all grown up now too.

We have all heard the horror stories about ex wives feeling uncomfortable and awkward at family occasions and Meryl Streep played it up very well in “It’s Complicated”.  Who will forget the scene in that movie where the new wife strolls across the room looking young, beautiful with her midriff exposed.

However, the real plus is that we now have even more family to grace our table at Christmas.  My daughter’s husband has a wonderful family who are all very close.  I only hope now that they will want to fly to Auckland each December so they can share Christmas with us.  MOB (mother of the groom) said to me at the after function “we are all one family now”.  Thank you for saying that.  I haven’t lost a daughter, I’ve gained another family and what a special one it is.

Small world, the icing on the cake was my son realizing that one of our new in-laws friends at the wedding, was the mother of one of his best friends at University. Talk about degrees of separation!