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Forum Index > The Women's Forum > The dreaded day has come

Author	Message
Carren Stuart 2012-01-14 16:53:37	The dreaded day has come I've been dreading this day. I always knew it was coming but up until now it kind of seemed like a dream more than reality. My middle daughter, who currently is the only child still living at home, is about to head off to University in another City. My life is about to change forever and I have no idea how I am going to deal with it. I am really happy for her and I know that this is what teenagers eventually do, but I am going to miss her SO much. For the last year it has been just her and I at home (I am divorced). I have a younger daughter but she is in another town at boarding school (something she chose to do and I fully supported her decision), so she only comes home for occasional weekends and sometimes during the school holidays. At the end of February it will be just me. Nobody else - just me. I don't know who I am supposed to be anymore. Up until now I've been a mother, but now ... I don't know what I am. All I can do is cry and I have no idea why. I'm truly happy that my daughter passed her exams and got into University. I really really am. I am so proud of her. And it's not about me being scared to live on my own because I'm not. I guess it's more about me feeling that I now have no "purpose" in life. I have a job I need to get out of for various reasons and it's proving very difficult to find a different one. I feel like I need to reinvent my life somehow, but I have no idea how to do that. I'm an intelligent person but right now I feel like I'm losing the plot.
Rae 2012-01-14 19:29:01	The dreaded day This is sooo normal to feel like this. You sound like you have had an amazing career as a mother raising two amazingly worthwhile daughters and now that job has been made redundant. And yes, now is the time to reinvent. Given that we all have so many years left. In Geraldine's and my cases with mothers living into their 90's it was a very frightening thing for us to imagine filling those years in a worthwhile way. Have a read of the journeys some of the women shared on wisanow url]http://www.wisanow.co.nz/About+Us/Midlife+Journeys.html/url] There are so many women out there in a similar situation searching for a new purpose. One of the best books on this reinvention necessity has been written by Suzanne Braun Levine. - best I have read and it helped me tremendously - url]http://www.wisanow.co.nz/LIVING++GOING+PLACES/Great+Reads/Inventing+the+rest+of+our+lives.html/url] Keep in touch please and maybe you can write us an ongoing blog. It would help many others believe me!!
Heather Talbott 2012-01-18 09:02:01	Dreaded day I probably have another 5/6 years before I'm in this position, but every now and then I catch myself with a little wobble of fear, wondering about what I will do with myself. This truly is a good opportunity to reinvent yourself. I know that I would cook and eat differently if I didn't have to cater for my kids tastes. I would also feel more free to go away (tramping?) Is there anything you have always wanted to learn? Do you need to get fit? Are you interested in travel? I'd suggest take time to be a little indulgent. However, giving your time in some kind of voluntary work could also give you that feeling of purpose. That bucket list idea might be a good thing at this stage.
Chilaa 2012-03-05 12:52:20	Hi Carren Hi Carren. Talking about what you're going through is really great. That's all you need to do - talk it out or write it out. It's making a statement about how you feel right now without judging yourself - "this is how I feel and it's damned painful." Acceptance and healing follows. You're going to be alright :-)
Carren Stuart 2012-03-14 21:40:02	Reinvention of me is on "hold" Well, after all that, the reinvention of me is on hold for now. My daughter spent three weeks at university and realised that it was not what she wanted to do. The truth is, she knew that before she went but she felt pressured by various family members, friends, and her high school teachers - so she made the decision to go for the wrong reasons. She has since withdrawn from the programme she was doing and is back home with me for the time being. I am more than happy to have her home and I support her decision to leave uni (without judgment - unlike some of the people who pressured her to go in the first place). She is going to give herself until the end of the year to try a few different things and see if she can figure out what she actually does want to do with her life. She is currently looking for a job and is willing to have a go at anything, but of course in this economic climate, jobs are not exactly easy to come by. Fingers crossed. Which brings me back to me .... having spent those weeks prior to her leaving home, feeling sad and pondering life on my own etc, I am now faced with the realisation that some day down the track I will have to go through this all over again! Maybe it will be easier next time round? So, the reinvention of me is on hold for now as I be the supportive Mum as she works on coming up with her own plan for the future. Which is OK because it is so good to have her home again :-)
raewyn hamilton 2012-03-17 15:18:06	home again Hi Carren one thing I learnt too when my girls left home was that nothing is forever. I think they came home a few times each before finally flying from the nest. And yes you are right, it is not as worrying or life-changing by the time they have left for the 3rd time. Good luck with your re-invention when it does happen

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