Online dating- what his profile really means

The Science Of Senior Men Dating Profiles 

Sienna Jae Fein -  Vibrant Nation Blog Circle User

The online dating profiles of senior men, like senior men themselves, will variously enchant or deter you. Sometimes the ugh! factor will hit you in a matter of seconds. Sometimes you’ll linger over a profile for hours, wanting to learn all you can about a man who sparks recognition — and a glimmer of hope.   


WHAT’S IN A NAME?

On sites that encourage aliases, you’ll encounter senior men who identify themselves with tags like UGottaHaveMe,  Hot4U, Passion Puppy, Dream Daddy,  and Sexy Grampa.  I feel uninspired, not to say repelled, by such self-conscious adorableness. More appealing are guys who call themselves things like JazzLover (identifying a pursuit) or Steve123045 (indicating a birthday). Straightforward names suggest men who are straightforward and secure. So do gently self-deprecating names. My favorite is an 83-year old who identified himself as WalksWithoutCane. I also like DrivesAtNight.  At our age, whimsy goes a long way.

THE “ABOUT ME” PART  

Sadly, you will come across senior man profiles that read like this: “I am warm, affectionate, and caring,” or “I am personable, outgoing, and have a great sense of humor.”  If you manage to stay awake all the way to the end of sentences like these, you are a kinder, more patient person than I am.  What can be learned from this pseudo-description?  Nothing, that’s what.

Take the naked assertion that a man is, let’s say, “generous.”  Has he tutored a disadvantaged child, mentored a young entrepreneur, offered his medical expertise to help undernourished pregnant women in an Asian village, or established a foundation to help make the planet greener?  Generosity is proved by generous behavior, as is a senior man’s claim that he is “kind.” Which means exactly — what?!? That he always says please and thank you? He phones his mother on weekends? He doesn’t abuse animals?  Look for profiles that convey substantive information about what a man does or what he truly thinks about issues you think about too.

GOODBY AUTHENTICITY, HELLO “BOUGHT PROSE”

Senior men who don’t trust themselves to come across as thrilling can BUY a profile. Here’s the offer at one internet dating site: “If you get stuck, contact the profile professionals at (our site) who will help you channel your unique voice!”  I feel sad for a man who feels so limited that he can’t write a single paragraph about his experience, his work, his dreams.  Who cares if Old Mr. Right is grammar-challenged?  You want to know who he is, not who some journalism major at NYU thinks he is.    

I think the ghost-written profile is a travesty, but I do acknowledge that some good could come of it if the dating site writer has a fresh outlook. Without editorial guidance, too many senior men will insert that tired cliché about moonlight walks hand in hand on a beach (they do this even if they live in Pittsburgh).  A savvy professional writer will gently explain that a discerning senior woman may indeed enjoy this romantic interlude, but only if it is preceded by dinner at a cozy French bistro.