Finding your Tribe Part 1

Finding your tribe part 1
By Lolane
I have read a lot lately about transitions in mid-life. Up until our mid 40s and 50s, the conventional life has an easy-to-follow script: school, career, home, marriage, and children.

After that, there’s an alarming little line that reads “fin” and nothing more. The story we have been hearing our whole life has just ended. It’s like that dreadful moment at the end of your favourite book, when you close the cover and feel suddenly, woefully abandoned. How will you know if Scarlett ever gets Rhett back?

There’s no answer, of course, and finally you realize you’ll just have to make up the story yourself. The trouble is, no one wrote a part calling for an ex-somebody trying to start life over.

You check the women’s magazines, but their only ideas are Botox and a pricey weekend at the spa.

The thrill doesn’t last long. Next thing you do is sink into self pity, bemoaning your loss of youth and figuring if only you were 25 this would be all so easy to fix.

Lonely for children? When you were young, you just started a family. If you lost your job, you found a new one – young talent is always in demand.

Physical ailments were also easier to handle. If you broke a leg, you got better – fast. Maybe you’ve noticed how quickly teenagers recover from injuries. Your 17-year old nephew walks in and says, “Hey, guess what? I dislocated my shoulder at the skate park, but like, Hamish popped it back in the socket and it’s sweet, now, see?” Then he does a 25 push ups to demonstrate.

I am not making this up – anyway, the getting better part. I broke my leg when I was 19 and the surgeon told me young people were fun to work on because they heal up twice as fast as the oldies.

So, now, we’re oldies, and even a lousy sprain takes forever to heal.

A favourite topic amongst active middle aged people is their latest injury. You see them at parties, talking earnestly. One is rotating his arm with a frowning expression and yanking his shoulder back and forth, saying, “See I can do this, but not that.” The other bloke’s hauling up his pant leg to show off the scar from his ACL tear. Another person shares her success with anti-inflammatories.

It’s almost as much fun as listening to 20-somethings trading barf stories and hang over remedies.

Anyway, big deal, you think. Aging is a fact of life. Quit whining and get on with it, right?

Last year, I had a few big changes in my life, among them, self-employment and my daughters moving on to collegiate adventures. There I was, staring at an empty engagement calendar and a blank spot on the fridge where the swim meets and the school appointments used to be.

It set me thinking. Surely other people are in the same pickle. The population’s aging fast, and we’re all in this together. There have to be a few secrets to mapping out a worthwhile life in our later years, and finding friends beyond the old watering holes of office and school picnic.

This web site is a great way for us all to connect, and I thought I’d share a few ideas on what’s working for me, and people I know, in these post “I thought I had it all figured out” years.