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Life in Perspective
Amanda Aarons - helps you put your ....
No Judgement --Just Healing Space Sometimes the best way to love someone, and the most help you can give is to leave them alone or empower them to help themselves. 'Life is a smorgasbord and you can give them a big helping of themselves. 'Neale Donald Walsh in conversations with God.This got my head going. I think at some point in time we all, with good intention give advice and opinions in love. We all believe that by doing so we are helping our loved ones. Our thoughts run along these lines, “I had the experience so I will share my wisdom.” “ You do not need to go through it too.” “ I will warn you of the pitfalls, so you do not go that route and get hurt.” Drawing from our experience we hope, that we will save the person from the failure, damage or pain we suffered. Often when we have experienced a situation that did not turn out as we expected, when we see someone heading down a similar path we throw up caution signs, redirect and stop their flow. We do not recognise in that moment that our experiences are ours, influenced by own past, by our surroundings and perceived by us through our eyes. Our fears and hopes, colour our result or experience. Often if the result was not what we wanted, what we expected we see it as failure. Seldom do we look at what we learnt, or the experience as a whole and wisdom gained. We see what we wanted, didn’t get and assume that will be the result for all who go that route. When we see someone we love in pain our intention is, to stop it, take it away, or if we are too late even avoid the pain because looking into a sad, hurt face of someone we love is uncomfortable and raw. Especially if we feel we had advice to sooth or avoid it in the first place. We have not learnt how to hold someone in pain and not take it on as our own. There is no manual on how to help someone in pain, so we try to fix it by advise, or share our pain. Their pain, becomes about us, our discomfort instead of being able to sit with it or give space. We have not learnt how to hold our counsel, we always feel we know best and so we freely give our opinions, summation, ideas, “Been there done that got the T-shirt, listen to me.” “Go away, leave me alone!” from our teens is an invitation, to see them put into play all the years of wisdom you have shared, allow them to test their skills of life. We even get angry and annoyed that they are not listening and the “I told you so” after the fact never helps, but is testimony to our out of control ego’s and the fact that we believe we know best. I wonder why we never say “Wow that took courage, I’m sorry it didn’t work out but what did you learn about yourself?” Recently at a talk by Caroline Myss, she spoke of the need we have, to impress the tribe(family), the pressure to succeed, or we would humiliate ourselves or the tribe. Achieving certain behaviours and results becomes the benchmark for belonging. Pride or shame become the only results at this level of thinking. It escapes us, that their pain, even failure is necessary and differently perceived from our experience. It escapes us that giving space, like time gives one a greater perspective. It is often not valued that the most powerful acknowledgement is allowing the hurt person the right and respect that they know themselves well enough, have enough knowledge and wisdom themselves to heal themselves or get the help they need. Often the supportive role you might offer, requires silent, strength and a warm soft place to land when they are ready. Perhaps we need to realise that what we know, we know only from our perspective and that serves us alone. This week I am fasting, a fast of opinions, a fast of good intended advise. This week I offer quiet, supportive warmth, a soft place to land and I honour your experience and results. I offer you space, and acknowledge your ability to heal yourself or get the help you need. If you need my help to move forward and acknowledge yourself , moving forward in your life, with a new perspective please contact me at www.life-in-perspective.com Please feel free to comment and let me know what you are thinking. If you would like to respond to this article email Amanda at lifeinperspective@xtra.co.nz or phone on 09 5754647 or mobile 021 125 7775 Read Amanda's blog at www.life-in-perspective.com Previous letters to wisanow women from AmandaGreat recipe for sex using different ovens - ie. men are microwaves, women are crockpotsWho are we really- a letter to our authentic selvesConscious and Grateful - Flowing with Good EnergyJune - Amanda asks - Have you got some time on your handsJune - Amanda talks on Anxiety and Depression which affects 1 in 4 womenMay 27th Amanda's letter to you.....What does your image say about you?May 2010 - Amandas letter to you......Are you able to ask for help?
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Hi I am Amanda and have been happily married to Gavin for the past 20 years. We are parents to a stunning 18 year old boy Josh and a gorgeous 16 year old girl Danni, they are an inspirational handful. We are an interesting bunch, who are fun, exciting, constantly developing and moving the goal posts. Our hobbies and interests are varied and our time spent together is always special. We have recently immigrated to New Zealand and the transition, whilst it has had some unexpected challenges, has been a time of strength, growth and togetherness for us, it has toughened us up and made us pretty resilient.