Belonging by Narelle Davies

Belonging "I am Enough" 

Narelle Davies of Live Successfully Now - blog post   21.6.11


As you know, I am completing a PhD, and was delighted to find a talk by the academic, Brene Brown, PhD, on the result of her research on Belonging. This topic closely aligns with my own research and my business. I’d love to share with you as it is a topic close to all of our hearts.

We have a sense of belonging through connection with others. Indeed, connection between people and feeling connected is why we’re here. It is how we are neurobiologically wired.

When we feel disconnected, we feel fearful. We can be fearful that there is something about us when seen or known by another will mean they don’t want to be connected to us in some way. We can fear that we are not ‘enough’ in some way – how we think, how beautiful we are (think of all the advertised ‘beauty’ products), rich, clever, educated, and I’m sure you can think of many others.

So for connection to happen, we need to allow ourselves to be genuinely seen, including the parts that we may consider are ‘not enough’. This can leave us feeling vulnerable.

Brene found that people who have a sense of worthiness, feel a sense of love and belonging. Furthermore, they believe they’re worthy of love and belonging. Those who feel a personal sense of worthiness are whole-hearted people. That is, they had the courage to be imperfect and tell people who they are genuinely. Does this describe you, or do you need to acknowledge and believe you are a wonderful person just as you are, happily sharing ‘you’ whole-heartedly?

Feeling worthy means having the courage to be vulnerable, that is, willing to ‘put yourself forward’. For example, invite a new acquaintance out (with the potential for rejection) or commence something new that doesn’t have a guaranteed outcome. How do you allow yourself to be vulnerable?

Sadly, many try to numb their fear of vulnerability (with alcohol, food, medications, not wholeheartedly engaging) but these panaceas in effect only end up numbing all emotions. Feelings of gratitude, happiness and meaningful connection with life are then lost.

The wonderful outcome of Brown’s research findings is that for those in life who had a deep sense of connection with others and joy in life, allowed themselves to be vulnerable. They allowed others to see who they really were, they loved unreservedly, and so importantly, they thought “I am enough”. When we think we are ‘enough’ in all aspects of life, we are kind to ourselves which then enable us to be kind to others.